I was trying to coax Kpo Kia to sleep as usual and told her, “Lift your head so I can move the blanket, else later your ear bleed again.” (I meant I might accidentally brush against her earring.) Then, I subconsciously added, “Maybe your ear always bleed ‘cos I just take it out do it?”
She suddenly asked, “Why do you always blame yourself?”
Hearing that, I was stunned.
She’s right… why do I always blame myself? When things don’t go well, I always ask myself, What did I do wrong?
Maybe it’s because I grew up as a middle child in a traditional Asian family. My parents always scolded me whenever bad things happened. Since I was young, I tended to belittle myself, and this mentality has followed me till now. It adds to my work stress too. As a product/project manager, many things can go wrong. And when people push the blame, I always feel like I’m the one at fault.
Sometimes, I also blame myself for being too slack or not controlling my emotions well, thinking that these might negatively impact Kpo Kia’s behavior and growth.
Maybe it’s time I cut myself some slack and be proud of what I’ve achieved so far?
I asked her, “Am I a good mother?”
“Ok ah,” she replied.
“Thanks.” I gave her a goodnight kiss.
Thanks for your validation. Even though we always ‘quarrel,’ it’s comforting to know I’m still a good mother to you.
